The full guide
5 things a billionaire told me to do for my neck while I sleep.I signed an NDA never to repeat them. I’m repeating them.
If you came here from my post, you already know how this started. Five years inside one of the richest families in America, three NDAs, and fifty thousand dollars I never saw. You also know about the old man. The one who laughed at me when I asked about my neck, and then, for some reason, told me exactly what his family does so none of them ever wake up stiff. I have lived by what he told me for ten years. I was 50 then and I’m 65 now, and my neck moves better than it did at 45. Here are the five things he told me. Four of them are homemade and cost nothing. The fifth isn’t, and almost nobody with a net worth under a hundred million has heard of it. Every one of them comes back to something he said to me that day. When you sleep on your side, your head isn’t resting on your neck. It’s resting on your ear.
1. Their bedrooms are kept cold.He called a warm bedroom a working-class habit.
The first thing he told me was to turn my heat down. Every bedroom in that house sat in the mid sixties, every night of the year, and he said it like it was obvious. A warm room keeps you half waking, kicking off covers and flipping over all night. Every flip lands your head back on your ear, and every time it does, your neck bends to take the weight off it all over again. Cold rooms mean deep sleep and far fewer of those landings. He actually called a warm bedroom a working-class habit. I turned my thermostat down that night, mostly out of spite.
- Cooler than most homes, somewhere in the mid sixties
- Fewer flips, fewer times your head lands back on your ear
- Free, and you can do it tonight
2. Nobody in that house looks down first thing.Don’t start the day by bending a neck that’s been bent all night.
Every morning in that house started the same way, at the same time, sitting upright. Nobody reached for a phone. Nobody hung their head over anything. He told me the neck is at its worst in the first few minutes after you wake, because it has spent all night bent around your ear, and the worst thing you can do is bend it forward on top of that. Sit up. Put both feet on the floor. Turn your head slowly one way, then the other. The phone waits until after coffee.
- No phone in bed, no head hung forward at the stiffest moment of the day
- Sit up first, then turn your head slowly both ways
- The phone waits until after coffee
3. The bath is drawn at night, not in the morning.A head start. Not a fix.
In five years I never once saw one of them shower in the morning. The bath was drawn at night. Warm water across the neck and shoulders, so the body goes into sleep loose instead of tight. He said the rest of us shower in the morning to fix a neck that has already set, which is like mopping after the flood. I’ll be honest. This one helped, but it only ever bought me a head start. However loose you are at eleven, if your head spends the night leaning off your ear, you’re bent again by three.
- Warm water on the neck and shoulders before bed
- Go into the night loose, not tight
- It helps, but it can’t stop what happens on the pillow
4. There isn’t a single ergonomic pillow in that house.He laughed harder at these than he did at me.
When I told him I’d tried every ergonomic pillow on the market, he laughed again. The same laugh. He said those pillows are made for people who buy their dinner at the grocery store. Every one of them is shaped around a neck on a diagram. But on your side, your head isn’t on your neck. It’s on your ear, and a firm curve only presses it harder. In five years of making up those beds, I never saw one contour pillow. They keep the pillow they’re used to and add the right layer on top.
- Every ergonomic pillow is built around your neck, not your ear
- A firm curve presses your ear harder, not softer
- Keep the pillow you love and add the right layer on top
5. The hole in the center.The one that isn’t homemade. Your ear is the source, the secret, and the fix.
This is the one he lowered his voice for. He took me upstairs and showed me his own bed. On top of his pillow sat a plain grey pillow with a hole right in the center. Every side sleeper in the family had one. Your ear is the source, he said. When you sleep on your side, it takes the full weight of your head, so your head tilts a few degrees to get off it, all night, and your neck holds that bend until morning. That’s the stiffness. Your ear is the secret. It’s the one thing no pillow company designs around. And your ear is the fix. Give it somewhere to go and there’s nothing for your head to tilt away from. The hole in the center is where your ear drops in and carries nothing, so your head rests level on the foam and your neck stays straight until morning. He wrote the name on a napkin for me in my last week. Yonder. You can buy one now, and almost nobody outside that world has heard of it. It has been on top of my own pillow ever since, and my husband says I’m likable in the mornings again.
- A hole in the center, exactly where your ear goes
- Your ear carries nothing, so your head has nothing to tilt away from
- Your neck stays level all night, on top of the pillow you already love
Where to get it
The one I sleep onEveryone asks, so here it is.
Since I posted, I’ve had hundreds of messages asking where to find the pillow from number five. It’s made by a small company called Yonder. They make them in small batches and sell out a lot, so I’ve linked their site below. If the button still works, they’re still in stock. Whatever you do, get the real one. The knockoffs are flat squares of foam with a hole punched through, and they don’t hold your head level, so your neck still bends all night.
- The hole is in the center, exactly where your ear goes
- It sits on top of the pillow you already sleep on
- Flip it over and it works for the other side
If the button doesn’t work, they’ve sold out again. Check back in a few days.